Setting into the Sun

If only I could capture this
She whispered
Filled with sweaty sadness
Dying moments
And fleeting breaths
Was all she had
But in those
She captured all there was to
Those captives alone
Remained carved in her eyes
Only for her to see
Only for eyes imagining
Real reality
In the beams
Of the sun's last reaches
She reached her thick fingers
To kiss light
Dancing with her shadow
As she steeped
And settled
And set into the sun

Curiosity and the Cat

a quiet Echo
purrs over puzzles
if you listen closely
quick heartbeats dance
in your palm

clever eyes meet yours
to find magic

eons of evolution
magically compacted
into narrow caves
lazily doling curiosity
as we find our inner dopamine dealer
and curiously a purring Echo
reaches my ear

Time-Walking

there are few moments
when i feel big enough
to walk in my shoes

mostly i'm breathing in
Smallness
of the kind that
humbles

not
humiliates

today i swam in those moments
diving through forests of smallness
of the infinitesimal smallness
of time and breath
that are mine
in this cosmic vastness
space of endlessness
through pokey pine needles of restless
time and space
that precede
me
Us
how else do you respond
to a 34 million year old
petrified redwood tree stump?

Alone not Lonely

There it sat all alone on the bench
Waiting to be seen by us
Waiting patiently
To be opened
Explored
Alone
Yet
Not
Solely
Solitary
In its quietude
Because together
We were right there with it
As it sat all alone on the bench

Zoom zoom zumba

5, 6, 7, 8
Rangeela re
Mauja hi mauja
Time and again
My body moves to a beat
My ears have yet to find
My legs see direction
Before my eyes have found their compass
Music is written to move to
My body knows its directive too
Move, be guided only by fearlessness and the beat
Joy is a body tired from dancing
Today, that's what my body did

What are you afraid of?

Fear does funny things to us
Like watching a scary movie
With Dimitri and Dan
And secretly watching other
Watchers
Cringe, curl up, and cry out in surprise
I imagine how my physiology and immune system are responding
To the jumps, screams, and shocks
And I don't like it

The wall asked me today
And I answered,

Losing love
Death
Slow death
Sickness
Losing all passion
Standing for nothing worth standing for
Unidentified poo colored objects
Shapes in the dark that don't comply with reality
When my imagination doesn't get enough rest
Unknowing
Unhearing
Unseeing

Nonetheless
I have something worth living for
And fearing its loss

The Joys of Aunthood

"No, you can't take a picture of my shirt for uncle Dan, but you can take a picture of my shoes."

"Alright, Adam. Let's take a picture of your shoes."

Some joys are better captured
in memories
rather than sweeping tides of time

Today's joy is elusive
tough to capture in words
Or pictures

Defying time and space
my nephew and niece
asked questions and explored answers

In a time in my life
when I miss young humans pushing me to grow
today's joy was timely and apropos

Existential Dessert

I wish I could hold on to you
like I do this beautiful homemade treat
before it melts
into time and my insides
before we melt away
into memories
of melting pudding pops
in our hands
until that I will hold you
hold on to you
before you melt away
into the beginning
from which you came

Holding on to the right moment

I wish I could find
all the right moments
to hold on to
that would remind us of
these moments past
when they're no longer
filled with breath and life
when we're too something
to sit on our bikes
and ride in search of nothing
and adventure hidden in everything
we can look back at
at these right moments
we held on to

Old Habits

Sometimes
A good old time
Immersed in good old habits
With good old friends
Is what a good old body needs

Tonight left me grateful
For good old abilities
To be my good old self
In a new and uncertain time
Filled with good old memories

It's these good old nights
That refresh and renew
In good old ways
To fill an old cup
With new wine

Freedom Tastes

Slowly savor
Bite by bite
Gleaming gulps
Gnawing nibbles
Soul satiated
With warm whirls
Freedom
Tastes
So
Good

Dumpster Diving for Imagination

Her voice cracked a bit.
Between sips of water,
jabs at Donald Trump,
Huck Finn outpourings,
and genuine pleas for knowledge,
she sang,
"Curiosity is insubordination in its purest form"

I would rather be insubordinate
than apathetic

I would rather be uncomfortable knowing
than complacently conforming

I would rather dumpster dive for hope
and to resuscitate imagination
than let passion flail
and dreams suffocate

Time

A midday gift
Presented at lunch
Picnic on campus
Students settling into dorms
Watching young ones scurry
As we ambled
Sharing moments
Making memories
Over a gift
Of time

My Offering

One Deep Breath
Is all I've got
To send out to the universe
As I fill my cup
In an empty world
With hand weary and old
I inhale
Exhale
Bring my attention to
Take in a breath
And send out love
Kindness and gratitude
That solely
Is my offering
To this interconnected life
I live in
Take in
One Deep Breath

A New Bridge

Time to take the leap
My next big step
A new beginning
in every respect
New adventures
In new realms
Old habits tested
In these new lands
Where this path will go
I do not really know
Surrendering to unknowing
And learning some more
It must be crossed
For I stand before it
No turning back
From this - a new bridge

DIY

Many a hot night and day
Left us sweltering in our nuevo chez
Ultimately we decided it was time for
A quick trip to the hardware store
New window AC, shims, and 2x2s
Glued together with some handy screws
5.5 hours of measuring later
We had our very own window air conditioner
I brought my iffy pessimism
And you, your joyous optimism
To build a cooling balance of the two
For a night sleep-worthy and cool
I come from a land where diy is rare
There's someone to change a light bulb and put on a spare
So watching you install this monster yourself
I must admit has left me quite impressed!

Gone Solo: Somewhere over the rainbow

somewhere over the rainbow

lie dreams forgotten

no chance for resuscitation

dirty withered

clouded in grey

no leprechauns waiting

no dragons dancing

only stormy dredges

waiting for quiet sleep

somewhere over the rainbow

silence collapses

within itself

heavy in labor

nauseous with dread

quiet sleep awaits

arms open

fingers outstretched

putting dreams to rest 

Leaning Into Discomfort

Dearest Dan,

Here we are in the comfort of our own bed and home, and that makes me so grateful for this incredible luxury and for our adventure we've had, and I know it's not over, because if this trip has reaffirmed anything, it's my core belief that each day living must be treated with the care and love we would shower on it under any happy circumstance.

So, here we are - in the comfort of our own bed, being able to comfortably use our own bathroom, and in the comfort of our surroundings. And I want to write my last note to you (in this series ; ) about the opposite. Something a very wonderful support in my life calls - leaning into discomfort.

As we flew back to Denver today, I slipped in and out of dreams and memories. I remembered moments from our travels - monumental (literally and metaphorically) and mundane. I recalled sitting at DIA at our gate, chatpatta burrito and smoothie in hand, feeling damselflies of nervousness and thrill fluttering inside me. I wondered what if...

...our plane crashes
...something happens to our loved ones while we're away
...you get sick and you would be miserable
...I get sick and therefore I ruin our trip
...we get robbed/mugged/assaulted
...we get injured (and have to actually use our travel insurance we so prudently purchased)
...we miss our flight/train/bus/boat
...we lose our passports
...what if we get so late because of me
...I have to use many public bathrooms
...flying poop and puke monsters come to get me (and my elf ; )
...we become bankrupt
...there's a coup in the country we're visiting and we're never able to go back home
...we end up hating traveling
...we can't stand each other on this trip and decide we're not traveling together ever again
...our friends and family in different places hate us and don't want to meet us
...we find no vegetarian food and starve

...

Yes, even my what ifs flirt with hyperbole ; )

But you (and anyone who knows my eccentricities) know how serious I am about some of my fears (I mean, have you seen The Terminal? A coup could change your life in a moment! : )

More than my fears, my discomforts. My quirks. My "me's".

And I thank you for embracing each part of me.  For loving all those pieces of baggage I call mine. For all those pieces of baggage that at times become too heavy and you help carry them. For empowering me to purge those that just add extra weight and burden but add no value. For bringing your strengths and leaning into your discomforts as I leaned into mine.

Clearly, there's a bit of courage in us to do so. I am proud of us. Of you for taking risks, stepping way out of your comfort orbit and taking a flash ride to unknown rings of stardust with me as I wildly flailed my wings in discovery. And I'm proud of me for working my backside off to take charge of the things I can control, and exhale those I can't. I have never underestimated the power of a deep breath, and man did they work their magic for me this time too.

Thank you for gentle reminders to breathe.

When we missed the knowns of home, got cranky because of our own needs, skipped and walked 16 kms a day with gigantic backpacks, learned more about one another and found new storehouses of patience for each other, and waited in line to use a shared bathroom in an air bnb at 2am...we leaned into our discomfort.

I was hoping I would grow from this trip, but I didn't expect so many rewards of leaning into my discomforts. Am I a wholly changed and madeover Suparna? No way. But have I seen glimpses of me that I hadn't known existed? Yes. We talked about this on our last day in Iceland - how we've changed, what we've learned about ourselves and each other, and how we've learned to accept those things about ourselves and one another that make us us.

My insightful and wonderful support also sent me off with another piece of wisdom to experience every moment. I'm so glad I heeded to that wisdom. And I'm so grateful we experienced each moment. And didn't prevent it from happening. I had so much fun just being in every single moment.

Thanks for flying with dragons on this fantastical journey with me, leaning on me, being so delightfully leanable, taking chances, dreaming delicious dreams, and making dreams come true.

I guess leaning into my discomforts ain't so bad after all ; )

Until our next magical journey, I bid you a loving goodbye. Just me and my soliloquy.

Leaning, learning, loving...
Sirf Tumharee,
Suparna

Life's Lessons Through Travel

Dearest Suparna,

We're homeward bound, so here's my final post. I've enjoyed spending this time to you, and writing every day. It's helped the reflective process and I'm sure it will help us remember this epic journey for many years to come. Without further ado, here's some of the lessons I've learned and things I noticed (not exhaustive by any means):

About Us:

Time together: We haven't spent this much time together since we got together a decade ago. It was lovely. Even as fiercely independent as I am, I didn't feel like I needed more time to myself.

Travelers: Rahul asked us what kind of travelers we were. We've never traveled so much before, so coming into this, I don't think we knew. But we definitely learned that we're not so much the typical tourists, and we LOVED just walking around and exploring places, eating good food, and people watching to absorb new cultures. I think learning more about other people helped us learn more about ourselves.

Silliness: We met a lot of wonderful people and spent great time with them. It also reaffirmed for me that you're so far from the typical Indian, and I'm so far from the typical American. I guess that's why we work. I loved that we could do things like dedicate a day to an Amelie tour, or eating 5 crepes in a day, or whatever other things struck us at the time.

Teamwork: We're both really different and have really diverse strengths and weaknesses. The times when we worked together with these differences we were great. I think it's okay (and wonderful) that we can be so different. When we didn't work together (which was pretty rare), it wasn't quite so great. We'll still have to figure out how to make the most of that initial few hours of exhaustion after landing in a new place. ;-)

Food: We both really really really really really like food and like trying new different things. Even though lots of people had pity on us for being vegetarians, I think we might appreciate food even more than they do. Strange, isn't it?

Not needing much: We lived a month out of two rucksacks, and yet I never felt like we didn't have everything we needed. It was great.

About Myself:

Water (and food to a lesser extent): I surprised myself by how anxious I would get when there wasn't a readily available source of water. Like, really, I became a not very fun person. 

Slowing down: We both know that I'm pretty much a go-go-go person, but I think during this trip I really learned a lot about just slowing down and being in the moment. For the most part I was really happy with the pace we found, which was us meeting each other in the middle. 

Planning: I was surprised that I was able to plan as much as I could in a flexible way. I didn't know that I could...

Shyness: When I would get out of my comfort zone (especially with language) I noticed how quiet I would get and would really rely on you.

"City Mode:" I know that I grew up as a naive country boy, and at some point living in Berkeley I think I flipped to the opposite extreme. I was surprised how much I turned on the "don't mess with me" mode when we would be out on the streets, and basically refused to talk to anyone I didn't know or be the least bit helpful. Not sure if this is good or bad, but nobody gave us any trouble. :-) I certainly can't take all of the credit for that though.

People: I guess I knew this to some extent already, but really people are the priority for me. Spending time with friends and family (and learning about new places) was really great.

Money: I know we've been through this plenty of times, but really, for the most part I just didn't care about the money. I tried to be sensible, but also just flipped a switch in my head not to worry about it. It worked.

About You:

Temperature: If food and water are my vices, then temperature is definitely yours. I think the times you got most frustrated and cranky were when it was too hot or too cold. This generally related to tiredness.

Flexibility and Timing: You had to deal with a lot of really new situations and getting ready under difficult and unfamiliar circumstances. You were really great, and anytime that we really needed to get somewhere, you were ready early. Wow!

Keeping in touch: You made a huge huge huge priority to keep sending pictures and staying in touch with everyone back home. I hope they appreciated how much effort it was. I don't think many people would do the same. 

Language: While I readily accept that your English is vastly superior to most Americans (whether or not they try to correct your English), I was impressed at just how good you were communicating with people even when there was very little overlap in language. I would love to learn to get better at this from you.

Relying on me: I always think of you as a super strong person (and I still do), but I also got surprised by the little ways and in the places you would rely on me. I was glad I could be there when I could.

---

Let's leave things there for now, until the next epic trip. Can't wait to see everyone back home!

Tumhaaraa hamesha,
-Daniel

A Change Of Plan

Dear Daniel,

Our last full day of our Epic Europe Trip is coming to a close. And I'm so glad we did this. We tried to do an epic trip like this last year, but we had to change our plans, and it worked out wonderfully, because here we are, as a result of our change of plans.

I will reflect wholly more about this unbelievably spectacular trip in another letter, but for now, I just want to take in this moment.

My feet are still frigid from the ice cold and wet day today. We had to change our plans today because of the weather. The prized snorkeling experience between two tectonic plates we saved money and time for that was to happen today got cancelled an hour before we were supposed to leave. A cursory and unempathetic phone call (that we made to follow up on an unempathetic email) informed us that the rain dampened all tours today. What a bummer, especially knowing just how excited you were for it.

So we changed plans. More walking in the cold, a trip to the Icelandic Phallologic Museum  (I guess we don't have the necessary humor quotient to appreciate over 50 samples of dissected penises from over 30 animals floating in jars of formaldehyde), and seeing the clouds part to actually see the cliffs on the other side of Reykjavik!

We also had to change our plans of snorkeling and we found a very pleasing water based activity to do just that! Swimming in geothermal pools straight from under the earth! We found one that locals frequent and man, I loved the steam bath!

So after a day of changing plans and being flexible, I'm ready to dream and begin the slow process of saying goodbye to the beautiful continent.

With love,
Suparna

Europe - Not so good

Dearest Suparna, 

Today was the last full day of our trip. I was wondering when to write about the "not so good things," and I guess today is very fitting. We were supposed to go snorkeling in Silfra - an amazing place where you can go in waters that are just above freezing and actually touch two different continental plates. Given how much I love water, this was one of the things I was most excited about for our entire trip. Well, given the terrible weather we have been having in Reykjavik, we got a call about 45 minutes before our departure that the trip was canceled due to rain. Devastating.

I suppose that pretty much sums up the day from there. We ended up visiting the Icelandic phallological museum as a consolation...which was quite a creepy and odd place. And we tried to visit Laugardalslaug, a hot springs in Reykjavik mostly frequented by locals. Well, I tried to use the straeto bus app that the transportation department here has created, but it's pretty awful. It reported that there were really no buses from the city center of any use, so we started walking. Walking 2 miles in the cold rain is awful. So we jumped on a bus and asked the driver if he could get us to the place we were going. He said yes, took us two stops further (actually away from the springs), and then dropped us off. Useless! We ended up walking the rest of the way.

The springs themselves were a cultural experience. I had read in many places that Icelanders are very strict about people showering before using the pools, to the point where everyone must publicly shower with soap and water, and make sure they aren't wearing their swimsuits (because they should not get dirty). This wasn't a big deal. The odd thing, though, is that there were two men in the locker room policing this process, and not so politely scolding people who weren't doing things the right way. After I got finished with this I had to go back to get the towel for you. Well, at this point I was wet, and the same wonderful men prohibited me from going back to the locker room to get the towel. Instead, I had to use the "swimsuit drying machine" to dry off my suit, and then use it to wipe myself like a towel. I had to do this three times to dry off to the guard's satisfaction. Frustrating, and I guess it would be humiliating if I really cared, but I didn't. I'll never see these people again. At least I got the towel for you. After all this hooplah, the springs themselves were pretty great. Going in a hot spring that was 44C was pretty amazing when the outside temperature was 6C with frigid rain.

Well, overall the day was a bust, and it was our last day, but we tried to make something decent out of it. The blog post I was saving for today was the "not so good," so I guess they dovetail nicely. I'll be sure to leave on a more positive note tomorrow for my last post.

Tumhaaraa hamesha,
-Daniel

The "Not So Good"

The good definitely outweighs the bad, but here are some things that were hard or annoying during our trip. I'm turning my rant mode on, and there may be some hyperbole, but I want to capture this. (Take it all with a grain of salt - I really loved Europe.) The vast majority of these relate to the basic needs of food, water, and getting rid of that food and water. :-)

 

Hard to get water: This was definitely the most difficult thing during the entire trip. Even though all of the countries we went to had clean tap water, it was so hard to get water. In The Netherlands, people in restaurants acted like giving you free tap water was doing you the biggest favor in the entire world. After you begged them just to get a bit of water, they would bring you a tiny shotglass of water, and you would have to wait 30 minutes more to get a refill. The worst was when we were at a bar with a 2 for 1 burger deal, and we were told that if we wanted tap water we couldn't have the 2 for 1 deal. Really??? The Netherlands was bad about this, but Barcelona was even worse. Places would simply refuse to give you water, saying "sorry, but our water is not so nice." Seeing as I drank it at home every day, I know it's just fine. This is pretty much unforgivable.

The expectation you will buy a drink: Related to number one above, every single restaurant expects that everyone will buy a drink. This wasn't so bad for German beers, but when every drink costs 5-6 euros minimum, this adds up a lot. You are right when you say the customer should be able to have things their way, and I guess I need to just get over myself and piss people off. I drank more beers, wines, and sodas in Europe than I probably did in the last 6 months. Many of them were great, but overall, it was just too much. I really really like water, and I have missed my dear friend.

Waiters acting like they are doing you a favor: One of the things that was most surprising to me was that at many shops and restaurants the wait staff seemed genuinely annoyed that you were there. Isn't a customer a good thing? We pay money, right? :-) This seemed to happen more on the first half of our trip than the second half. This was coupled with waiting service generally being much slower than in the USA. This relates to taking your order, bringing your food, or giving you the check. Just slower in general.

Vegetarian food lags way behind the USA: While we were able to find some hidden gems (like that super awesome fake tuna), in general the availability and quality of vegetarian food was much less than in the USA. For instance, it seems like Norway hasn't yet discovered tofu, or has just shunned it altogether.

Things not saying when they are closed: It's amazing that people have as many holidays as they do; it's really great. The only sad thing is when a restaurant is closed for an entire month but they don't post it anywhere on their website. Maybe insiders just know that it's the time when they close? Either way, it was a mystery to us, and there were a few things we were very sad to miss.

Paying to pee: The corollary to how difficult it was to get water was how difficult it often was to find a bathroom. And then when you finally do one, it charges money. The cost is never a lot, but the principle of paying money just to pee is really obnoxious. I think the Indian response (peeing on the walls of the buildings) is probably appropriate here.

Sharing a bathroom: I guess this was the result of my trying to save money, but the times when we had to do this it was not so fun (walking down the hall in the middle of the night just isn't great). I know it was not so good for you either. Sorry. :-(

Drunk people in public: We had a few encounters with very drunk people out in public (like on our Fjord cruise, and on our flight from Munich to Manchester). I suppose these types of "bros" are hanging around in the USA too though.

People smoking everywhere: I was surprised by how common smoking is, pretty much in all countries we went to. As someone who is very sensitive to smoke, this was definitely not welcome. 

Planes not connected to the airport: This didn't really matter too much, but it was interesting that planes almost always required you to walk out on the runway and/or take a bus to get to your plane. I like the US system of staying indoors, in climate controlled conditions. :-)

Hot places and no AC: This goes for a number of the rooms we stayed in - pretty hot but there as no AC; only a fan if we were lucky. In Barcelona it was super hot, but unfortunately most places (like the airport too!) didn't really seem to be air conditioned. This resulted in us standing under lots of fans/vents in the ceilings and in us standing next to refrigeration areas in stores. I guess it's the Indian way - jugaar!

People cutting in line: In most places people didn't respect the queue, so you had to learn to push forward or people would just cut in front of you.

Not having a consistent space: It's been so amazing seeing all of these new people, places, and things, but it also makes you miss the normalcy of home and routine.

Missing friends and family: Related to the last one, we missed all of you guys a lot!

Well, that's all for my hyperbole I suppose. It's been real.

When the weather gets rough...

...Get out and brave it.

My dear Dan,

Today we let our inner Viking out! Leifur Eiriksson would be so darn proud of us ; ) even though our claim cannot be reciprocal to his as the first Indians/Americans to reach the great island of Iceland, I still think he would be proud of what we did today. 

An ussie with Leifur Eiriksson and Hallgrímskirkja in the background

After a 3am arrival at our air bnb, we both benefitted from sleeping in till a luxurious 8:45 am ; ) soon after, we hounded our fellow air bnb comprades (this is clearly an air bnb hostel in someone's sweet Icelandic home with two sweet doggies and little children who frequent their grandma's house) for the wifi password, information about the shower, and what they were going to do today. You and I both know the criticality of that last question. What are you going to do today?

I will forever recall our feelings of feeling trapped in some type of arctic storm ; ) the wind sounded murderous from our windows that wouldn't shut, the room was as cold as a freezer, and we couldn't hear one another over the sounds of the rain. All in all, I, like Mulder, wanted to call for backup. I saw the same look in your worried eyes, Scully. ; )

Reykjavik's stormy skies with the only appearance of blue sky we saw on our entire day and the clouds below it were moving at 30mph so that was a quick glimpse of the patch of blue!

After a quick shower (the water rose up to 50 degrees Celsius and all hot water smells of sulphur, so it felt like an indoor hot spring), we were ready to consider taking a taxi to downtown. We went downstairs to inquire about the whereabouts of a grocery store in case this really was an arctic storm in August and we were going to become mummified in the attic of this mannequin-filled home ; )

As soon as we learned about where the store was and the bus stop too, we both were like, £♡{# it - let's do this! And so we did and I'm so glad we did and as proud as Leifur Eiriksson would've been of us ;p

Us saying, "Bring it on!" to Reykjavik clouds!

If we hadn't ventured out, we wouldn't have:

☆ Frozen our legs and noses admiring the beautiful waves of the North Atlantic Ocean from the highest capital in the world and only 2 hours from Greenland ; ) 

Dazzling lava rock at the edge of the North Atlantic Ocean

☆Eaten the most delectable vegetarian food at Glo! It was so good on the tummy to eat fresh food and vegetables and yay for free and unlimited delicious water! Like in Norway, I'm so happy for free and clean water and toilets in Iceland!

Fresh ingredients and food - what's not to love as our Get-Thawed-Out Round #1 began

☆Walked to "that funky looking building" as you deemed it that turned out to be Harpa, Reykjavik's center for performing arts.  Here we got a free and rather jazzy preview of Reykyavik's Jazz Festival that began tonight! I loved listening to jazz lyrics in Icelandic, English, and Swedish! 

Harpa Concert Hall aka - "that funky looking building" by you!

The inside foyer 

The hall from above and inside

Mirrors playing tricks 

☆ The empowering number of pride flags we saw everywhere! More than any other European city we've been to so far!

Spot Pride?

☆ Me trying to ensure that the yogurt drink had no added milk and getting a mini-lesson on where yogurt comes from by the teenager behind the counter. I need probiotics, but will throw up instantly if I have milk straight. How to explain? ;p

☆ Walking to some cool sights in town and enjoying our last church we will see on this epic trip. And standing in the middle of the road to take pictures ; ) 

Don't get run over!

Speed Dating - single gloves

Inspiration on a jar

Sho Sheepish

☆ Finding a Dutch fries version in Reykjavik! 

☆ Enjoying a soulful soy latte and chocolate donuts in a warm café while watching the rain play catch with the wind. 

☆ Finding a local whiskey bar and an amazing local band (and local beers ; ) at Café Rosenberg - Sæbra, and between 3 women, they sang in at least 3 languages and played at least 7 instruments! 

☆ Laughed and giggled with you on the streets of Reykjavik. 

Those are tears of happiness and not to be mistaken as cold-induced trauma ; )

The Sólfar or Sun Voyager - more like Rain Voyager today ; )

☆ And found our inner Vikings!

Ég elska þig, (nope, not calling you a pig)

Suparna