Friday, August 14, 2015

Leaning Into Discomfort

Dearest Dan,
Here we are in the comfort of our own bed and home, and that makes me so grateful for this incredible luxury and for our adventure we've had, and I know it's not over, because if this trip has reaffirmed anything, it's my core belief that each day living must be treated with the care and love we would shower on it under any happy circumstance.
So, here we are - in the comfort of our own bed, being able to comfortably use our own bathroom, and in the comfort of our surroundings. And I want to write my last note to you (in this series ; ) about the opposite. Something a very wonderful support in my life calls - leaning into discomfort.
As we flew back to Denver today, I slipped in and out of dreams and memories. I remembered moments from our travels - monumental (literally and metaphorically) and mundane. I recalled sitting at DIA at our gate, chatpatta burrito and smoothie in hand, feeling damselflies of nervousness and thrill fluttering inside me. I wondered what if...
...our plane crashes
...something happens to our loved ones while we're away
...you get sick and you would be miserable
...I get sick and therefore I ruin our trip
...we get robbed/mugged/assaulted
...we get injured (and have to actually use our travel insurance we so prudently purchased)
...we miss our flight/train/bus/boat
...we lose our passports
...what if we get so late because of me
...I have to use many public bathrooms
...flying poop and puke monsters come to get me (and my elf ; )
...we become bankrupt
...there's a coup in the country we're visiting and we're never able to go back home
...we end up hating traveling
...we can't stand each other on this trip and decide we're not traveling together ever again
...our friends and family in different places hate us and don't want to meet us
...we find no vegetarian food and starve
...
Yes, even my what ifs flirt with hyperbole ; )
But you (and anyone who knows my eccentricities) know how serious I am about some of my fears (I mean, have you seen The Terminal? A coup could change your life in a moment! : )
More than my fears, my discomforts. My quirks. My "me's".
And I thank you for embracing each part of me.  For loving all those pieces of baggage I call mine. For all those pieces of baggage that at times become too heavy and you help carry them. For empowering me to purge those that just add extra weight and burden but add no value. For bringing your strengths and leaning into your discomforts as I leaned into mine.
Clearly, there's a bit of courage in us to do so. I am proud of us. Of you for taking risks, stepping way out of your comfort orbit and taking a flash ride to unknown rings of stardust with me as I wildly flailed my wings in discovery. And I'm proud of me for working my backside off to take charge of the things I can control, and exhale those I can't. I have never underestimated the power of a deep breath, and man did they work their magic for me this time too.
Thank you for gentle reminders to breathe.
When we missed the knowns of home, got cranky because of our own needs, skipped and walked 16 kms a day with gigantic backpacks, learned more about one another and found new storehouses of patience for each other, and waited in line to use a shared bathroom in an air bnb at 2am...we leaned into our discomfort.
I was hoping I would grow from this trip, but I didn't expect so many rewards of leaning into my discomforts. Am I a wholly changed and madeover Suparna? No way. But have I seen glimpses of me that I hadn't known existed? Yes. We talked about this on our last day in Iceland - how we've changed, what we've learned about ourselves and each other, and how we've learned to accept those things about ourselves and one another that make us us.
My insightful and wonderful support also sent me off with another piece of wisdom to experience every moment. I'm so glad I heeded to that wisdom. And I'm so grateful we experienced each moment. And didn't prevent it from happening. I had so much fun just being in every single moment.
Thanks for flying with dragons on this fantastical journey with me, leaning on me, being so delightfully leanable, taking chances, dreaming delicious dreams, and making dreams come true.
I guess leaning into my discomforts ain't so bad after all ; )
Until our next magical journey, I bid you a loving goodbye. Just me and my soliloquy.
Leaning, learning, loving...
Sirf Tumharee,
Suparna

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