Saturday, January 30, 2016

Eve

I watch carefully as the date changes to 31st January in Australia,  Japan
And soon, India
Then, the United States
29, here I come
Are you as ready for me as I am for you?

333

Friday, January 29, 2016

The goodbyes begin

4 months ago
I had imagined this day
Here it is
I'm breathing it
Living it
I'm starting my journey back home
From homes that have called me theirs
For all these days
Get the kleenex out
Get the hugs going
It's that time in this adventure of mine
Let the goodbyes begin

332

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Birthdays

I watched as he turned 60
A glorious 6 decades
Is a lot to be proud of
Everyday a gift
To be cherished
Every moment leading to many more
Maybe we'll get to celebrate together again?

331

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Pride

I come from a family of teachers
It's not something I've known
For once I feel like I belong
Among a family of peers

330

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Privilege to Play

I watch as boys move about
Kicking adeptly, giggling a lot
No other gender to be seen for a mile
I watch them little humans score and smile
What fun it must be
But I must be content just to see
Alas, the privilege to kick a ball
Is one that doesn't extend to all

329

Monday, January 25, 2016

Color me Whole

Color me fragrant

Color me sweet

Color me with a hint of spice

Resting restlessly on the tip of my tongue 

Color me silly

Filled with colors for every eye to see

Color me fantastic

So you won't recognize me

Color me confused

So you won't know how to find me

I'm unfinished

Undone and fragile to touch

I'm here asking you to please 

Color me whole



328

Sunday, January 24, 2016

These are a few of my favorite things...

I didn't grow up by the water
Or with a love of finding something new among the agelessness,
the timelessness of the ocean.
I didn't know how to walk in the embracing sand of the sea until I was an adult,
even now I'm not sure I know what I'm doing.
But it's alright,
I found one of favorite things to be and do,
and that makes me very happy

327

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Visible In Me

I got told how to dress
how to cover every strand
every millimeter
Every remnant of dignity
When she policed me on how I looked
I don't understand it
And I don't understand why I complied

326

Friday, January 22, 2016

Newness

So much newness
all around me

So much to take in
feel around me

The world still stumps me
Forever changing

So big yet so small
so flat yet obviously round

Each new day
brings a new newness

I'm ready for tomorrow
new or newer, bring it on!

325

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Never been easy

some things have never been easy
some have been trivial beyond reason
some remain yet to be seen
somewhere in me, lies courage
someday it shall shine
some moments are just like this though
something to learn from
something to love

324

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Cloud-Kissed Sun

A cloud-kissed sun,
came out to say goodbye,
as I spent a day saying goodbye,
to my home away from home.
Tomorrow, will you shine
or shed drops to lighten your load?

323

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

If you believe in yourself...

As this day begins
Don't forget to believe
Believe in all of you
The paths blazed behind you
And those yet to be
Look
Look
Look at how far you've come
Stand tall, be you
Wear that dapper smile
And feel the ground beneath your feet
You're here, you've arrived
You can ride a bike
And you can charm many phds

322

Monday, January 18, 2016

Routinely Normal

Normal never felt so uncomfortable
reliance never so uncooperative
New, you're not welcome right now
I'm still saying good bye to what was
Next feels too far
to find in this uncertain forest
I never thought I would get used to gray -
used to its smell
like an old musty sweater
that was never once mine
still it feels accepting of me
a new normal
of abberant regularity
socks for gloves
inverted skies
I can't decide
which is more disheartening
my new normal
or my acceptance of it

321

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Better

If wishes could heal
and hopes could change the world
I'd wish and hope without an end
till time itself
would arrest my wishing and hoping
and put an end to my dream

320

Friday, January 15, 2016

Just a little further

We have learned
lost some too
been all this way
around the world
and made it through
this stretch feels so long
endless at times too
what can I say, Dan
we're almost there
I can see home base
see the landing pad
a shore that's kissing the horizon
so close this dusk clutches dawn's fingers
so close I feel wisps of my hair move with your sigh
so close I can see you on the other side
we've come a long way
so much to look forward to ahead
what can I say
Just a little further

: )

319

Small Luxuries

Today I got hot water for a shower
Turns out in 11 degree weather, I turn into a hot water monger
Whoever thought hot water could have so much power
To make me want to shower for long and longer

It's these small unquestionable luxuries
That I totally take for granted
The assumption that there'll be hot water inside while outside the are flurries
Reminds me that the distribution of resources is indeed quite slanted

I think of Nigella Lawson cooking up a storm
Here we have no electricity or gas to cook food, only brew a hot cup of doubt
When's this shortage going to end? Where to get fuel from
It's something my privileged brain has never had to think about

318

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Gratituded

Much to be grateful for
In a sea of loss
And change I cannot,
Do not,
understand
But gratitude doesn't need understanding
It needs a willingness to be here
And let got of what's gone
And what can be

317

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Silence

Knowing when to stop
is more precious than knowing
the right words to say

316

Monday, January 11, 2016

Head Strong

W-t-P,

This head can be so strong
so stubborn
so steadfast
so stuck

With you,
this heart
has become stronger
supportive
somewhat kind
and braver

So brave
my squeaks sound like roars
and tears collide in puddles of courage
I didn't know I had

Thanks to your hunny ways,
this head is strong
and
heart - stronger.

Wolways,
P-let

315

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Hello, Hope

I imagine swimming in chronic hopelessness
my hands reach out for hope floaters
even through the foamy tsunami of my panic
Wiping out sounds appealing
but would it hurt less than trying to stand tall
in the face of a wave sure to bring me down
It's that dangerous drug called hope
Deluding me of my own capacity
To push down on a desert of water
To hold myself up
Drowning is an option
I'm not sure
Maybe just a delusion

314

Relief or Not?

Maybe relief is here
But I'm not sure if can sigh just yet
What if it's to premature
What if it doesn't matter
All sighing does is give me more breath
And that is always good.

Relief.
Sigh.

313

Saturday, January 9, 2016

Life

Why does life have to
hurt so to be fully lived
joy hides from me now

312

Friday, January 8, 2016

I'm trying

I know you are too
I know I can't ask for more
The best is what you're doing
I suppose you've changed
And so has your best
Once, there was no contest
Now I'm not alone at the finishing line
I suppose like you, time changed
I know
You're trying
I assure you
So am I

311

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Hang in There

Life is like that only
A wise Indian once nodded at me
I listened with care
But set aside with haste
This piece of wisdom I now need

This life filled with moments, memories
Is all we've got at the end
And all trying moments pass through us
Just as we traverse the strong ones with ease
Hang in there, my dear, for soon this will change
And we'll be left with nothing but memories
And new moments to be made

310

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Scarcely a Shortage

What does it take for something to be baptized a
crisis?

Flies swarming over decomposing bodies lying forgotten on
street corners?

Desperate men with hollowed eyes and hungry hearts holding knives, khukris, to access food, safety, medicines?

Smoke so thick you can see it from Darjeeling from wood heating hands,  stomachs?

Walking for hours in subzeroes for a job you may lose and with feet heavy from dying patience?

Hiding under all the clothes you call yours on a night as cold as this?
no entry across the border
no fuel
no electricity
no heat

What will it take for this to be baptized a crisis?

309

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

6 years ago

Said Piglet to Pooh,
"Pooh?"
"Yes, Piglet?"
"We made it to 6, phew!"
"Piglet, it's not so much about making it
than it is about making each moment it. "
"How do you make each moment it?
Is it like when Eyeore feels not very how?"
"It's about making each moment feel very how.
And how do we feel?"
"I feel very how!
Like how lovely it is that we have shared how many years with each other,
and we're not ready to give up,
despite us sometimes becoming confused
by big words,
and losing sight of what's really important
in the 100 aker woods.
Or forgetting to kanock when one of us in,
or not letting the other in.
I'm glad that we're here,
at this moment,
making it all count,
Pooh-ri tarah se."

Happy Anniversary, Pooh Bear.

308

Monday, January 4, 2016

Change

I never learned how to change
or deal with change
like young bats sent to test their wings
I learned to change on the fly

I have always despised change
yet transition has been the staple of my lived diet
like weather is to climate
transitions are to my life

Over 20 homes
and a heart that's still recovering
from home being shaken
or rescued from denial

Change doesn't come and go
it seems like it's here to stay
I'm learning to enjoy that I can finally
take something for granted to never change

Change

307

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Moments

As a kid
I thought time
Was a scary old monster
Only working to countdown moments
Till an end
An end to something
An end to everything

As a grown up kid
I still think time
Is a countdown to an end
But it's also a countup from a beginning
It's a testimonial to thousands of moments
Billions of experiences
All tied as one
And yet separated by events
Eons, generations, and timelessness

I'm curious how time will change
And how I will change because of it
It's funny how time is eternal
And ephemeral all at once
And this time is all we have, all we get
To be, to verb every verb
Before our clock stops
In a universe of clocks

306

Friday, January 1, 2016

Magic

A magician danced with her wand
and magic ensued
magic that lit hearts
healed wounds

Magic that could be everlasting
because we tried
we believed in it
with all our might

A magic that brought oceans closer
and gave us time
to be, to breathe, and love together
for just a short while

305