This world is too confusing for me to wrap my heart around. I want to make sense of it. Want to feel less divided, less alienated, less disgusted, less powerless. But it's tricky. Feeling less of those feelings is on me, but it would mean turning away from and not knowing what's happening. I don't know how to not have a vicseral pained response to how the world is changing. I don't know how to guard and fight and move on all the once. I don't know if I have it in me. I don't know if knowing others, many many others are hurting too, is easier for me. The self is what becomes a part of the collective. But what does one do when the self is feeling defeated?