Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Last days

I think back to eight months ago
From today
And how my entire sense of time
Has been governed by weeks, months, and milestones
How fast it has all gone by
Yet so slow
But, you, you are perfectly on cue

885

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Have a little faith

It still feels impossible
Yet I try
To move on
From the big holes you left me in
After cutting all my ropes away

884

Monday, February 26, 2018

The You You Are

Who will you choose to be
When you're faced with your many yous?
Will you choose the you that makes you happy
Or the you that pushes and torments you?
Will you choose the bigness in you
Or choose to be misled by your small version?
Perhaps you'll find that lethargy you hide behind
And see a you ready to leave your orbit
Who really knows?
I know, not you
About who you are and will be
And who you will choose

883

Sunday, February 25, 2018

That Cake Though

Dear Manzil,

A dear friend yesterday said to me, on the matter of self-care, "What are you willing to let go of in order to take care of yourself?" I should've asked myself that question today because I had such a delicious cake and I'm really paying the price of it tonight with all the delicious cream on it.

There will be many times in your life when you'll need to give up something that brings you joy for something that brings you contentment or even peace.

I hope you'll choose well.

I love you, always,
Mamma

882

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Mirror Mirror

What do you see
When you're showing me
All there is for me to see
I'm trying to get a glimpse of you
But your shadows are brighter than you

881

Friday, February 23, 2018

Little Radical

Very few moments
Complete like this
Like that last puzzle piece clicking in
Or the final bite of an ice cream cone
The one filled with hardened chocolate
As though it's consoling me
To make it through the end of my treat

880

Thursday, February 22, 2018

My One Moment

All it takes is a little tiny clock hand
Holding yours in its palms
Moving along and away
On its path it knows to walk
Whether you keep up or not

879

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Help

You came by
Before I even realized
I needed you
How did you know
My dreams were collapsing
Did my surrendering eyes give away
My last remaining balance
Of me

878

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Hard To Hear

I hear you
That these things I say
Are hard to hear
But
I don't know where to look
For the right words
To tell you anything different
Than
You are perfect
The way you are

877

Monday, February 19, 2018

Okapi

Such a blend
A hodge-podge of two
Spotted stripes
There you were
Hopping, more donkey-like
Than I could have imagined

876

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Passage

I know the only way out is
Through
The thicket of my own heady heart
Beating out of my chest
So loud
Even the loudest gulp
Couldn't quiet it
Because at the end,
The end is where I'll find my beaming self
That is
If the passage doesn't extinguish me

875

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Clean Slate

You mind if I don't move on?
That way I can remain certain
That my grudges will hold me down
Harder than the tightest seatbelt
On the highest rollercoaster
At least then you'll know
That I was completely empty inside
When you decided to fill me up

874

Friday, February 16, 2018

What did you learn?

We're you listening
When you were being told
That humility could unglue,
Better than anger,
You out of just about any
Sticky situation
But you chose
To rage
And where,
On the darkest hole of your sadness,
Did that land you?

873

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Better Yet

You are getting better
Better yet
You were so happy and so full
It reminded me
That I'm whole
Better yet
That I'm full

872

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

That Smile Though

No matter how tough
How confusingly excruciating
Unbelievably terrifying
A day can be
That smile though,
That smile

871

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

You are more

All the biggest words
In all the biggest places
Can't make you bigger
I still don't fully understand that
But you remind me
That even when I have no words
I'm enough

870

Monday, February 12, 2018

Dire Brightness

There are quiet little
Spots in the loudest corners
That have some sad stories to tell
And if you listen very carefully
You will hear your own breath
Barely keeping up with your own raging heart

869

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Flying Solo

Dear Manzil,

We did it! You and I have had many adventures on our own! Today, we flew all by ourselves! I'm proud of us, our teamwork, and our sense of adventure! I love you and thank you for being there for me and with me so I didn't have to fly solo!

Love you,
Mamma

868

Saturday, February 10, 2018

February 1 Zero

Treats come in many shapes and flavors
From sleepy sun-soaked snuggles,
Bonus naps, and passion fruit ice cream
To strawberry cake, late night conversations,
And 34 kisses
The biggest treat of them all though...
Time

867

Eve

I hope this eve is filled
With all the promises of tomorrow
For you

866

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Differences

We're the same genre
Even share the same story line
But somewhere after chapter 19
Our plots deviated
Or maybe our main characters
Became more complex,
Mired in their own complex realities
But they both did come of age together
Now
I'm not even sure we find ever be in the same book
It doesn't stop me from wishing
That I was in your page

865

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Yourself

Laughter ensued
Followed by giggles
Dimpled smiles
Filled up the quiet
Of the last few days
It was so nice to see you being
Yourself

864

Eighter

On a Tuesday eight months ago
You became a baby from an embryo
And nothing's ever been the same despite
The occasional sleepless night
Since you were born to us in San Diego!

Eight months since you came out of Mommy
Most days you're pretty balmy
Some weeks though when your new skills form
You go through a tenuous storm
But, hey, it's never been a tsunami!

In the last few weeks you've learned to crawl
And though it may seem a feat so small
We could see how much effort you put in
To build up that core in your body-building
So now you're strong enough to slow your fall!

All that core is helping you play
And set you on lots of new adventures everyday
You're trying to communicate, that's for sure
Even starting to clap to ask for more
And we love how you say, "Mammma" & "Dadday"!

Every morning you sit up, independently playing
Able to stand up and look down at everything
Such a big boy, don't need to be rocked
But you had to wear shoes, because you won't stay socked
Manzil, we love watching you on the go and inspecting !

You love to grab our face slowly
To notice every inch so carefully
You still love munching on your toes
And sometimes we find- your fingers in our nose
And in your belly- khitchadi and ajwain pani!

Now that you crawl, you're always on the go
And you're loving pears, bananas, and avocado
This past month, we made your first sick call
And we're sorry for that yucky mucky Tylenol
You're kicking this virus' butt, and look at you grow!

You've gone from superman, to cat and cow
Your yoga moves make us go, "Wow!"
And we've been noticing lately
You enjoy playing with another baby
Maybe you're over your Momma/Daddy phase (at least for now)?

Here you are on a Tuesday eight months later
Teaching us new words like, "Eighter"
We are so proud of you and to be your parents
And we don't need any further assurance
Because we've known no joy greater!

863

Monday, February 5, 2018

Diaper Excitement!

Dear Manzil,

Like most first time parents, your Mamma and Daddy get very excited about a good poo! Especially after 9 days of diarrhea, it made me jump up and down to see 3 very good looking poos! I was so pleased to note that their texture, consistency, smell, and color (notice the thankful omission of one of the senses ; ) seemed to return to normal. Normal - that's one adjective I have not used in a while to describe the past few days. We've been so worried about you. So sad that you were in discomfort. So upset to see you in pain, shivering with a fever, and confused about what's happening to you. Normal will be slow, I know. But this feels a gazillion times better than even yesterday.

With diaper joy,
Your silly Mamma

862

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Still Not There

It feels farther than ever
The end to this
And it doesn't help at all
To hear
That this is just the beginning

861

Saturday, February 3, 2018

So Simple

Dearest Manzil,

Sometimes the pleasure of laughing
With someone you love
Is so simple
Yet
Sometimes it's one of the hardest things to do
I hope you never have trouble
Laughing with those you love

With laughs,
Your Mamma

860

Friday, February 2, 2018

The Power of Rest

A little bit of rest
Can go a long way
To recovering
And that's what we got today
Some days it's a little
Some days it's a lot
Most of the time time though
It's right on the dot
Not for a mamma or daddy
No, no, there really is
No such thing as too much rest

859

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Permission

Dear Manzil,

I am on a hunt for words
Ways to tell you
You have my permission
You can close your eyes
You can trust that I'll be there when you wake up
You can expect to get a response when you communicate
You can take risks
You can move around safely
You can laugh without care
You can giggle out loud when you want
Or cry as you please
You have my permission, Manzil,
To become the person you want to be

Not that you need my permission (or will wait for it ; ), yours, always,
Mamma

858

Golden

This golden leaf
Hardly could shine
When it's tiny gold roots
Burned inside

857