Saturday, March 31, 2018

50-50

Remember how lines drawn on maps
Were meant to tell babies with long noses and flat noses apart?
They were supposed to be able to demarcate
where men with foreskin lived
And where those without would survive
Lines
mere lines drawn with pencils, or maybe
pens
Splitting, dividing, like that last slice of pizza
or a melting ice cream cake

916

Friday, March 30, 2018

Together

All time really does
And all it really makes us do
Is function in two realities
Too fast
Too slow
Also known as,
Tomorrow
Yesterday
Now, though, a function of time itself
Is absent from my understanding of time
Even though, it's all I've really got

915

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Some Firsts Don't Need Seconds

Really don't need to have this happen again
That feeling of waking up
Being called
Walking into
A series of moments that would be fine
If they were never relived
They would be fine
To be left alone
To be sutured by the delicate hands of time
The big and the little working together
To wrap up a wound memory won't let heal
There's a first time for a lot of things
And some of these, don't need a second

913

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

The Chances We Take

It's all a twist of fate
Or a sleight of a very clever hand
You don't know if your fork
Was the one you will tell happy stories about
Or will haunt you every night
This randomness is so cunning
You can hear an unruly eenie meenie minie moe
Ringing long after the tiger was caught and let go

912

Monday, March 26, 2018

So fleeting, but I'm still here

Dearest Manzil,

All these moments
And all these sayings
Fail to capture
All of this

Nap when the baby naps
The days are long, but the years are short
It goes by so fast
He'll be in college before you know it

All of you is already double your height
Since you came out of me
My stretch marks have begun to fade
My body is writing a new story

You are standing all by yourself
You can and do crawl far
But you turn to make sure I'm still there
That I'm still watching, still having your back

The thing is Manzil,
No matter how invisible my stretch marks are
Or how strong you are
I'll still be here, rooting for you, having your back

I love you,
Mamma

911

Sunday, March 25, 2018

31. 25.

Dear D,

The universe is bizarre, mystical, magical, perplexing, and sometimes terrifying. I think often about all the breaths we've taken from inside our mommies to those in joy and sadness, and all the things and people that/who have taken our breaths away... And I'm so glad I get to share this life, this opportunity to breathe with you. Raising my cup to today, to you, to 31 years filled with you, and to many many more.

I love you, always,
S

910

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Eve. 24.

Dear D,

Today is your birthday eve. I think back to so many midnight celebrations and cross-global phone calls. I'm so proud of you, the risks you've taken, and how far you've come. Can't wait to celebrate tomorrow!

I love you,
S

909

Friday, March 23, 2018

Giggles. 23.

Dear D,

Today was filled with giggles! Even through some difficult headaches and crazy documents, we found laughter! I loved that we could do that!

And I love you,
S

908

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Enough. 22.

Dear D,

It's always good to know that something you have to give is truly more than enough. Thank you for that gift.

I love you, you are enough,
S

907

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Talk. 21.

Dear D,

Today, as I talked, you let me know I wasn't listening. Also, today, as you listened, I let you know that I needed you to talk. Communication is such a funny thing. I'm sorry that I'm still such a beginner at it sometimes. I'll keep trying.

I love you so much,
S

906

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Changes. 20.

Dear D,

Today is a day of changes. Much is changing and will continue to. Today, we are practicing being grown ups, and yet we couldn't do it without the grown ups in our lives.

Hopefully, we'll be those grown ups for our little guy someday. Maybe we already are? ;-)

I love you,
S

905

Monday, March 19, 2018

Leaps. 19.

Dear D,

Today is a day of leaps. Leaps and bounds. Leaps of faith. Leaps into the unknown. We've taken many in the past. So many miles, so many moves, so many new beginnings, so many goodbyes, so many big adventures.

Here we are again... At the threshold of a new leap. There's no one else I'd rather be leaping into this unknown with, than you.

I love you,
S

904

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Walk. 18.

Dear D,

Today was a day of walking. Walking to a dream, through a dream, and into a new one. Let's hope the sleeping part is restful and blissful.

I love you, dreams or no dreams,
S

903

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Trust. 17.

Dear D,

I know I'm that girl with the trust issues. I know that it takes so much to win and then sustain my trust. I know it's not something I'd like you to take for granted. But do you know that I really appreciate that you know that about me?

I love you,
S

902

Friday, March 16, 2018

A better world. 16.

Dear D,

You always make me feel like a better, more equitable world is possible. Even on days when it feels impossible. Thank you for that.

I love you,
S

901

Thursday, March 15, 2018

We got this. 15.

Dear D,

So much is out of our control. And I'm trying each day to only control what I can. Reasonably. Without losing my mind. I know it might be hard. But we got this!

I love you so much,
S

900

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Believe. 14.

Dear D,

Today is the start it something new. You've come a long way. We've come a long way. It's a scary point, but we've seen some ugly stuff together and we've more than survived it. I believe we can get through this. It may not be pleasant or pretty, but we'll get through it.

I believe in you.
S

899

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Being here. 13.

Dear D,

On the days that you are here, my life is better. It's such a simple thing... Being there. And yet, sometimes it can be so difficult to actualize. Thanks for being here today.

I love you,
S

898

Monday, March 12, 2018

Help. 12.

Dear D,

There's so much you've taught me about myself and help: when to ask for it, expect it, give it, want to give it, offer it, hope for it, act on it, and the numerous ways in which to receive it. Our ideas are different sometimes, but I'm grateful that I can ask you for help and that I can expect it.

I love you,
S

897

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Understanding. 11.

Dear D,

Even after all these years, there's still room for growth and understanding between us. I love that I can experience that and learn from that. We have been working hard to understand one another, and that makes such a world of a difference. But what I think has helped even more is not making the assumption that we understand one another.

I love you,
S

896

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Distances. 10.

Dear D,

Remember how far we used to be? Worlds apart didn't seem big enough but sometimes we could touch the distance between us, even as we say in the same room. That's how things grow and change.

I hope our distances only bring us closer.

I love you,
S

895

Friday, March 9, 2018

The time we take. 9.

Dear D,

I will always remember the time you take to spend with us. Like today, how you spent time. But more importantly, that you enjoyed it!

I love you,
S

894

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Another go. 8.

Dear D,

Today, we gave it another go and it reminded me that we get many chances in life, if we're lucky. And if we're wise, we won't squander them.

Thanks for taking a chance on me. I love you,
S

893

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

And now...7.

Dear D,

What do you think will happen tomorrow? It could all end. And yet, it's you who keeps me going and believing. Believing that even though it could all end tomorrow, now is so worth it.

I love you,
S

892

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Here we are. 6.

Dear D,

Can you believe how far we've come and that we're are actually here? There are days where we speak, but don't listen. And then there are those where we can't hear. I wish us lots of listening and hearing all we can go from here to there.

I love you,
S

891

Monday, March 5, 2018

Where we were. 5.

Dear D,

I have been thinking all day about where we were 9 months ago. Where we were a year ago. Where we have been. And how far we've come. It's really something, na?

I love you,
S

890

Sunday, March 4, 2018

What's meant to be. 4.

Dear D,

Can you believe we're here? 14, 15 years just seemed to have breezed by. You are different. I have changed. We have created so much together, including a human being. Today, things didn't work out as we hoped. But maybe they worked out for the best. I guess what's meant to be, will.

I love you,
S

889

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Look at how far we've come. 3.

Dear D,

Today was a day of firsts! We were exhausted by the end of it, but two things were clear: we have come so far and life is freaking fragile.

I cannot wait to see what's next in our adventures!

Love you,
S

888

Friday, March 2, 2018

My cup. 2.

Dear D,

Do you remember 15 years ago when you said hi? I didn't realize then, but you had started to fill my cup. Even since then, there are times when my cup overflows, and sometimes when it's got nothing in it. No matter the case, I know I can always clink my cup to yours. Thank you for that.

I love you,
S

887

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Because you are. 1.

Dear D,

I want to take all the sweet things I've ever said
And squeeze them into a bottle
That you can pour on your pancakes
If you ever doubt just how incredible you are
Even if you can have a little fluff (in your ears ; )

I love you,
S

886