Tuesday, July 31, 2018

For Y

Roots, shoots, twigs, and leaves
I am each and every one of these
And really, have I even lived unless I know
What it feels like to have had them broken?
To have had them plucked from me like the very insides of me are being chosen specifically to be
It took me a better part of three decades to learn
That I'm also trunk, branch, bark, and weeds
I can birth new saplings from the hardened skin I grow
And shed what is diseased and what must go
I am planted, grounded, and I've learned to pick up and leave
I know how to change colors if I'm put in that position
I know how to soak up the rain, I know how to brave a famine
I can grow in the wettest crevices and the most hostile of sand
And I know how to spread love without being asked, I know how to change as seasons demand
I reserve the right to choose to wilt
I am entitled to house every bird and the nest they've built
So what if I'm the y of the x?
So what if I don't know what's next?
So what if I have to uproot to become free?
So what if all my branches don't understand me?
Yes, I will break and wilt and wither
After all, I am twigs, branches, and weeds
I am shoots, trunk, and bark
But I will also begin again,
And I know how to restart -
Because, you see,
I'm also seeds.



It's been almost ten years
That I've tried to sneak in
Hell, I've even tried to barge by way in
Breaking down windows
And shattering walls
Though I made it in
I'm not so sure I belong
I still smell of outside



It hurts because this
Goodbye is not just bitter
And it's sweetness is disconcerting
Because I wonder if I'm not
The only one
To think it's sweet


Saturday, July 28, 2018


When my day is supremely banal
Is when I'm most terrified about closing my eyes
Knowing that when they open
The world would've turned without my consent
Without a care whether my life will stay the same
Or stand on its head


All in one day

Old patterns
New endings
Missed middles
All misled by no one in particular


Thursday, July 26, 2018

Enough is More Than Enough

There is no such thing as once again
I will not forgive
And I have not forgotten


Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Head Banging

While we jumped
You lay dreaming
Did you see us
Missing you?
We danced with you
Even from afar


Tuesday, July 24, 2018

I Know Why

I know me
And I know me well
So I know when I rumble
It's usually because I'm breaking
I know when I laugh
It's usually because I'm aching
And I know why you do the same
Because I know me
I know why


Monday, July 23, 2018

To My Paul Stadler

What if life were as karmically perfect
That our Pauls had no beginning
Or that perfect ending
So we could tell different stories
To our daughters
To our sons?


Sunday, July 22, 2018


It's been so long
I've forgotten what safe smells like
How it feels
When you've arrived
And you're not being chased


In My Head

So much to say
All those voices
In my head can't,
Won't - shut up
If only I could silence them for
Just a moment
I could hear my screams


Saturday, July 21, 2018


How come I can feel you
Even when you're (definitely) not there?
Do you feel me,
Fear me?
When your far from me?


Thursday, July 19, 2018

She Became Him

All those years of running so far
She didn't realize it was
A circle
Only when she stood in front of him
Did she see it was just a mirror


Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Fly Away

Her fear had wings
of its own
Nothing really stopped it
from leaving her so far behind
She simply had no choice but
to go looking for her courage


Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Not too bad

Didn't ask for much
But got more than I would've
If I had asked for some
What should I do with today?
Maybe pocket it safely for another
When things fall deeper
Than even
Rock bottom


Monday, July 16, 2018

What Now?

Where do we go
When we've run so far
From where we all began
That we've forgotten what Yesterday looks like
What will you bring to us, Tomorrow?


Sunday, July 15, 2018


My voice seeps through,

Until every word is soaked in it.

Can you tell it's me,

Even if it doesn't have my have on it?


Saturday, July 14, 2018

Sound Baths

Do I have to immerse myself
In the noises of yesterday
To write the songs of tomorrow?


Friday, July 13, 2018

Why Again?

When my body has just recently learned to live in itself again
It decides it's time to take a little lie down again
Question is: will those around me stand strong?


Thursday, July 12, 2018

Such good popcorn

Sometimes it doesn't have to be grand
Or exquisite
Or superlatively extraordinary
Sometimes, all it has to be is
A bowl of really good popcorn


Wednesday, July 11, 2018


Inch by inch
And bit by bit
You chip away
Until all I'm left with it
Is a broken down version
Of this idea of me


Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Ice Cream

It's the little things
That's how I show I care
I'm rarely on time
But I'll show up in the middle of the darkest night
I can't always keep all parts moving at once
But I'll pick up your pieces with you
I show care, love, and respect in different ways
And sometimes I just buy you ice cream


Monday, July 9, 2018

That's This Life

That's the thing about this life
This is all we get
This is all we get to build and be in
This is all we get to spoil and ruin
Which poisons will you choose
Which rock bottoms will pick you
How often will you burn
How will you know which way to turn
Their answers may not be clear
These questions may never become yours
Either way, it's really upto you
What you do with this
That's this life


Sunday, July 8, 2018

Those Voices

Shhhh, I tell them
Actually, I try to shout over them
But how can someone hear you
When all their job is to talk
And not listen
That's why they're called voices, not ears
The problem is though that those voices are right here
They're my voices
These voices


Saturday, July 7, 2018


Mamma bird flies off
And if I were completely honest
I thought very much about
That terrible Black Mirror episode
In which that mother can see everything her daughter is doing
What did you see?
What did you think?
When did you notice we weren't there?
How did you feel?
My heart wept and soared
Because I've never not known what you're doing
And I've never done my own thing
Not like today
And it was hard
Very very hard


Friday, July 6, 2018


All the things you are
you came to be outside of me
thirteen months ago
I see you walk
and I remember when you could barely move your neck from side-to-side
Nowadays, you run
with both arms in the air
saving some poor helpless toys from their misery
of merely sitting on the floor
(and one toy in your mouth too)
you seemed to have forgotten how to sleep through the night
but we're hopeful that will come back to you
Thirteen brought your toddlerhood to fullness
Toddler-tantrums, toddler-tinkering, and general terrific toddledom
You have ridden in a train, flown across oceans, and entertained numerous strangers on bus rides
We saw fireworks through your eyes
We witnessed your hidden turtle come alive in the pool
We've watched you try new foods
and throw the ones you don't like all over the floor
You've been toying with saying, "All done!" "quack quack!"
And seem to have a growing collection of your favorite books
Your love for snakes confuses your Mamma
And your penchant for wheelbarrowing mid-diaper change confuses your Daddy
But overall, I'm happy to report, we aren't too puzzled
We love you, happy 13th month to you!


Thursday, July 5, 2018

When Children Grow

A mirror is what we look into
So we get when it's hot
Baby's feeling hot
But when baby screams
And we're not frustrated
That mirror cracks a bit


Tuesday, July 3, 2018


Sometimes in life
Shit just happens
And when it does
Your strength is measured
By how you'll clean up


Monday, July 2, 2018

Dress Up

You can wear what you want to
As long as we know which box to stuff you into
You can speak as you wish
As long as you sound like us
You can eat what you like
As long as we know what it is
You can be who you want to be
Or so they tell me
I really wish I could believe them


Sunday, July 1, 2018


It's very possible to break
That fortune cookie
Into two ways parts
Of course,
There will be many crumbs shed
And each part may not end up whole
But I still think
It would be worth if they were both split
In the middle


How are you?

How am I?
I am wet. I have been trying to wash away my anxiety for the last hour.
How am I?
I am burning. The cuts in my knuckles are valleys. Through them run rivers of soap and water that still don’t make me feel clean.
How am I?
I am uncertain. Which voice should I listen to? The one telling me that my windpipe is in a knot and is tightening around itself, or the one telling me to breathe?
How am I?
I am alive. And for now that will have to do.