Monday, December 31, 2018

Good night, good bye

What a year
From sickness
To vacations far away
From new beginnings
To old goodbyes
What a year it has been
And I'm ready to see what's next

1191

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Nights from Hell

I've had to see many of these
Stay up during them
Hold hair back
Clean the floor
Make toast at 3am
Hug all night long
I don't like these
Especially when I can't do much
And it hurts to know that I'm completely useless

1190

Saturday, December 29, 2018

These Moments, These Days

I wanted to hold you forever
And forever became a moment in time
And so I held you forever
And time,
Well it didn't have a choice
But to slow down

1189

Friday, December 28, 2018

Welcome Back, hmm...

I don't know how I really feel
To have you here from the past
You bring the good, bad, and ugly
And I'm not sure I want that

1188

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Resolved

I have so many promises to keep
I've lost track of what they meant
When I first made them
So
Instead
I shall make one
And promised myself to keep it
A double promise indeed

1187

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Let the Good Times Roll

I have a lot to be thankful for
And for a change
I'm allowing myself to be

1186

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Merry

It takes so much more
And it's worth so much more
And it's never been easy
To be this merry

1185

Monday, December 24, 2018

Bows on a Tree

Snowflakes so bright
They twinkle
Strewn on the tree
Meant for this season
Filling me with all sorts of memories
Warm and wonderful
Thrusting the negative out
To leave room for
Light and love

1184

Sunday, December 23, 2018

Full Hearts Again

Of cousins
And memories
Of surviving childhood
Relishing it
And now
Reliving it
Through our very own
Even though they're not really ours

1183

Saturday, December 22, 2018

My Arms, Your Head

Dear Baby,

Yesterday your pointed at your
Head
Shoulder
Knees
These
Toes
And I thought to myself
I've never been more proud
Of anything else I've made

1182

Legacies

When your watch one of your own
Become more then you
There's a little part of your heart
That forever bears on
Whether you do or not
It's this that'll keep me going

1181

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Throat

I'm stuck
Sneered between phlegm
And trachea
And I need a way out

1180

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Come on, heart

You can do it
Go past 25 percent
You've done it in the past
Do it again

1179

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Report

Can't decide
You protect
You abuse
You kill
Yet you hold me
To let me know you'll never leave

1178

Monday, December 17, 2018

Kya Hua?

It's really hard to watch
And really hard to not know
How do I begin fixing this
Helping you?

1177

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Weighted

Can you do something
To take this weight off of me
I can hardly feel my hands anymore
My nerves are bent from carrying this shit

1176

Burgundy

Delicious
First times
Whoever thought
Oh well

1175

Friday, December 14, 2018

Lean In

You just don't get it
And when you don't get it
You tell me it's because I don't
And therein lies your privilege

1174

Cursed

Maybe this year
We would've broken the pattern
And all that has been
Will stay in the past?

1173

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Your Loss

Even though you're a white man
You say
Don't keep reminding me that I'm white
Or a man
It's as though that's all you see
I tell him
No, but it feels like
Sometimes
You forget
That you're white
And a man
And I would love nothing more than
To never remind you
Of that

1172

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Alternating

We'll take turns
Even when it's hard to step up
Because when the night starts to fade
We're all we've got

1171

I Did It!

You know how you send to you
Make plans for things you may never do?
I made a list
And I made plans
And then I made them happen
And that feels good!

1170

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Hello, Again

It's only been a few decades
But I can sense your return
It's not that I'm happy to see you
I'm not
I'm just disappointed
I didn't see you coming

1169

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Baker

Did you enjoy baking today?
It takes a whole lotta loving
Mixing
Adding
Thinking
Measuring
Smelling
Planning
And of course
Eating

1168

Water

Dear M,

As words will roll off your tongue
And slither through the spaces in your teeth
And find their way out your fingers and hands
In flaps, claps, and gestures only we have seen
We will remember this day, as the day you said so clearly
Water

We love you,
M

1167

Thursday, December 6, 2018

One Point Five Years

If you have a Manzil encounter soon, you may notice that he is... Climbing up and down chairs, wanting to run on steps, imitating words, enamored by thunder and lightening, shouting "water" at the rain, telling us how big the moon is, able to find any fire hydrant from yards away, making fun animal sounds, watching and imitating mamma and daddy like a hawk, helping with chores/ghar ka kaam (cleaning up, watering plants, taking out pans and puts them back in, putting groceries away, cooking), taking off his shoes, trying to put on his shoes, loving his friend Lauren, painting with raw joy, relishing his BRADDA and berries, jiggying in his dance parties, eating from a big person plate and drinking from a big person glass, making pretend coffee and chai, diligently saying namaste, enjoying his friends and toys in childcare, combing his hair, borrowing our keys to try and open every door in the house, drawing, and one of our very special favorites... Sitting in our laps to read his favorite books.

1166

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

All This Rain

My most favorite memories
Will be
What we made today
Sitting inside
As we marveled at our outside
Blanket on ground
Our tushies on it
Wrapped up in sweaters and heating bags
But most importantly
Hugs

1165

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

You Got This

Somedays I need to say that more
Somedays I need to hear it more
But most days,
I really just need to know it
And that's the toughest

1164

Monday, December 3, 2018

Weaned

And so it goes
546 days later
Through all the pain
Classes
Bras
Books
Tears
Getting into the weirdest positions
The hum of the pump at night
Feeling your first teeth
Bottles
Bother cleaning routine
Throw ups (2)
Gushing (many)
Leaks
Planning
Covers
Singing
Yeh chaand sa roshan chehera
Cushions
Feeding in public
In bed
In the dark
In quiet
Through major distractions
And here we are
Weaned

My love for you though,
Waxed.

1163

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Why Do I Do That?

You ask
And I say the same thing
Each time
Because
You do
And so I feel
Like I can too

1162

Saturday, December 1, 2018

Maybe. Maybe not.

So you never wonder
I hope you know
You're the reason I may not have another
You're the one who came
But didn't show up

1161